


I Won't Let Go - [Mario AU]

by AidanJail



Series: sugarglider9603's Mario AU [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), youtube - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dealing With Trauma, M/M, Panic Attacks, Sugarglider9603, alternate universe - mario, mario au, not my au btw go check sugar's blog, sugar's mario au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 23:58:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17797202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AidanJail/pseuds/AidanJail
Summary: The problems didn't go away with Mr V. Roman and Virgil have to deal with that...~~This is a fic written for @sugarglider9603's Mario AU on Tumblr. The AU is not mine, and it exists in a context. This fic was written in early January 2019, and thus was the first Sanders Sides fic I wrote with a happy ending.





	I Won't Let Go - [Mario AU]

**Author's Note:**

> "So, this is a little something I wrote for @sugarglider9603‘s Mario AU. Some Prinxiety with a lot of angst, because that’s what I write the best ;) but it has a happy ending, I swear, because I can’t just crush your heart. I also tag @icequeenoriginal bc you asked and of course I’m always delighted to tag people :3
> 
> It’ll be noted that this is the first time I write a Sanders Sides fic where there’s no Major Character Death, and which isn’t a Sanders Sides fic which isn’t a Death Fic.
> 
> It’s 1357 words, and 7410 characters (spaces counted) btw.
> 
> Although, I put a big TW: massive panic attack described."

When Virgil comes back, when they get rid of Mr V, he’s super scared of hurting Roman more, and Roman can’t help but think about Mr V when he’s with Virgil. You know, trauma and all that. And Virgil sees it and it hurts, because he wants to help Roman but he’s scared he’s going to hurt him again. And so he goes away.

Once Virgil is back with Roman, they take it slow. They talk without touching at first, because sometimes, sometimes Roman flinches, and sometimes Roman is the one initiating physical contact, like a hug and Virgil steps back because what if he hurts Roman? But they talk a lot, about all sorts of things. Virgil bottles everything up because he’s scared of being angry, because Mr V was so so angry, and mean, and Virgil doesn’t want that. And Roman tries to help, but sometimes it’s too much, and Virgil draws back and lock himself up in a room and doesn’t come out until the middle of the night. And Roman can see how terrified Virgil is when Roman cries, and Roman knows, he knows Virgil was in there somehow now, because it’s the only possible reason for Virgil to be afraid of Roman crying. Because Mr V made him cry so much, and Virgil is terrified of hurting Roman, and because he remembers himself hurting Roman. And Roman doesn’t want to cry, he tries, but when Virgil can’t keep his feelings bottled up anymore, and he locks himself in that room, Roman cries because he can’t help his precious, beautiful, wonderful boyfriend, and it hurts so much. And Virgil hears Roman crying and he hates himself for not being able to help him, for not being able to keep his emotions in check.

One day, Roman refused to let Virgil go lock himself up in his room. He grabbed his hand and refused to let go. Virgil tried to get him off, but Roman just wouldn’t let go. He couldn’t let Virgil leave again, he couldn’t. Virgil felt his emotions, all these feelings he had bottled up getting too much, and he didn’t want Roman to see this. But Roman didn’t let go. Virgil felt his tears coming up, and as he kept repeating “Let me go, Roman, let me go!”, he couldn’t help his voice raising, and Roman could hear the fear coming from Virgil, but it sounded so much like Mr V and his anger, and his hatred. But not really, because it was fragile, because Virgil wasn’t angry at Roman, because Virgil was hating himself and not his boyfriend. Virgil managed to get his arm back, but Roman stood in front of the doorway. And he wouldn’t move.

“Let me go, Roman! Why won’t you let me go?!”

And Roman stared in shock as Virgil, sweet Virgil who usually was always so discreet, so anxious about being noticed, Roman watched this Virgil grab chandeliers and the vase sitting on the table, and all kinds of objects in the room, and throw them across the room while walking in circles, holding himself when he wasn’t throwing things, and holding his head as if he wanted something to get out, and cry, and mumble, and these tears, and Virgil looked so hurt, and scared, and angry, so so angry. Roman put his hands on his mouth, trying to muffle his sobbing. And the tears started rolling down Roman’s cheeks too. Because his precious, sweet angel wasn’t okay and Roman didn’t know how to help, and he felt helpless.

That’s when Virgil froze. Roman didn’t manage to muffle his sobs enough anymore. Virgil slowly turned to his boyfriend, paler than King Joan. Roman was crying, right there, he was crying, and it was Virgil’s fault. And there was no door to hide behind. The entire crumbled, or at least that’s how it felt. He had hurt Roman again, made him cry again. Virgil started shaking and fell onto his knees, closing on himself, rolling into a ball. He felt like he should disappear. He had hurt his boyfriend again.

Roman froze when Virgil looked at him. There was so much despair and fear and self-hatred in this look, it was terrifying to him. How could he had let the situation get that bad? Why hadn’t he tried before? He had. But it wasn’t enough. Roman ran to Virgil as soon as he fell on his knees and followed him in the movement. He grabbed Virgil’s wrists to stop him from closing completely. Virgil was shaking so much, mumbling about Roman having to go away so as not to get hurt, but Roman was stronger right now, and he managed to pull him close, and hold him into his arms.

“Sshh, baby, I’m here, it’s okay, it’s all gonna be okay.”

Virgil stopped fighting Roman and just fell into his arms, clinging to him, crying. Roman held him tight, silent tears still rolling down his cheeks, as he whispered soothing words and I love yous. Virgil mumbled apologies, over and over, until Roman took him by the chin to make his boyfriend look at him. Virgil’s eyes were full of fear and despair and he avoided eye contact.

“Baby, look at me…, Roman whispered, Please, Virgil…”

After a few seconds, Virgil looked up to Roman, trying to hold back the tears in his eyes. Roman’s heart broke as he looked at him. He leaned his forehead onto Virgil’s softly, staring into his boyfriend’s eyes, trying to convey how much he loved him, and cared about him by his look, unable to speak at such a sight.

“I hurt you…”

Virgil’s voice was broken, and all the apologies Virgil wanted to say were in it. Roman’s eyes widened right away, because even though he wasn’t okay, his boyfriend worried about him, and that was why he was crying? Roman shook his head and kissed Virgil softly and slowly, trying to show how much he loved him. He kissed him several times before speaking.

“I love you… So much… You didn’t hurt me, I’m… So worried… I want you to be okay, I want to help you be okay…, Roman shook his head as his voice broke as well., I see you unhappy, I see you worried and so sad and angry, and I want to help you…”

Virgil stared at Roman, clinging on his boyfriend’s sleeves. He couldn’t believe it. He shook his head slightly.

“You’re scared… Of me…”

Roman froze as he realised. Virgil hadn’t noticed him not flinching anymore. Virgil hadn’t seen how closer Roman stood, sit. Virgil hadn’t noticed Roman initiating more and more contact, more and more hugs. Virgil hadn’t even realised Roman’s multiple attempts at sleeping in the same bed again, only pushed him away without realising how often the prince asked.

“I’m not, love… I’m not scared of you… I’m scared for you, my darling, my precious angel… I’m scared you won’t let me help, I’m scared you’re going to leave me again… I just want to hold you, I want to stay with you, I want to protect you. Please, don’t ask me to let go, because I can’t. Just let me help.”

Virgil stared at Roman with so much adoration, so much love. He brought one of his hand up to Roman’s cheek and softly, oh so softly, caressed it, barely touching him. And then he let go of the prince’s other sleeve, which made Roman panic a little, until Virgil’s second hand caressed his boyfriend’s other cheek. Virgil and Roman stared at each other in the eyes, before Virgil tugged his prince toward himself and kissed him, his hands holding him in place. They kissed again, and again, both slowly relaxing, holding onto each other, not letting go, never letting go. Every time they broke a kiss to breathe didn’t last long. They mumbled I love yous over and over, and simply held each other for hours after that. Not everything was perfect, but they had each other, and it was enough. They would heal with time, but they would heal together. And never let go.


End file.
